THE CULPRITS

Ok, so these are the little buggers that did it.

Oh yes. It's all smiles until someone's bed gets eaten.


And we can't even sleep on the sofa bed.

That's been Staffy Shredded as well, to much the same effect. The Manche Monster took care of that one last year, in yet another of a long succession of incidents of stupid puppy hysteria. Mind you, her stupid owners were the ones who left the sofa bed folded out during the day while we were both at work. We thought she might like to snuggle up on it that day. Little did we suspect that she would otherwise choose to spend her time shredding the motherfucking mattress to bits. The whole house was covered in foam.

I think we have to be slightly mad to have two of the buggers.

In a seriously hilarious moment reminiscent of Manche trying to poo out the ingested tampon, Anton had to pull a poo out of Tonka's bum the other night.

So Tonka comes in from outside (thank God the little swine is toilet-trained now), having done his business. However, he brought in with him what we both whimsically refer to as a "budgie tongue". There's no delicate way of defining that term, suffice to say that it is in essence, a bit of poo still stuck to the dogs bum.

So Anton swoops in with a Kleenex, ready to wipe the dogs arse. So he grabs hold of the poo-let with a tissue, while I am at the other end keeping a tight grip on the pup so he doesn't jump up onto the couch. He starts pulling this thing, and it just keeps on coming.....! It turns out to be a rather long poo-coated strand of carpet thread the dog has ingested, having spent the day systematically tearing the hall-runner apart.

So we're both pissing ourselves laughing and gaping at each other in hysterical disbelief while Anton is standing in the middle of our lounge room with a dazed look on his face and a long strand of fecal matter hanging from his hand.

Sorry Gray. We were thinking of you buddy ....