MELLIPOP HAS GIRL GERMS

Ok, so Anton and I have been dealing with the fraught question of toothbrush ettiquette of late, and frankly, I think he’s being a big wussy girl about it.

To me, a toothbrush is a toothbrush. If it’s in the bathroom, you use it. As long as we’re already swapping bodily fluids anyway, I don’t see why I shouldn’t be able to use Anton’s toothbrush, and vice versa. This apparently, is the source of some disgust and revulsion on his behalf.

I mean, this is the same guy that gets all squeamish when I use the lipstick testers at K-mart, issuing stern warnings about cold sores, Hep A and herpes. But this is also the same guy that lets his DOG drink directly from the lip of his water bottle and then takes a swig himself, lets his DOG give him big sloppy kisses smack on the lips, lets his DOG lick our dinner plates clean and showcases a neat trick whereby his DOG takes a piece of food right from out of his open mouth.

THIS DOG IS A HABITUAL POO-EATER!

THIS DOG HAS EATEN DIRTY TAMPONS!

And I’m supposed to NOT be offended when he is disgusted that I would dare to put his pristine toothbrush in my goddamn filthy Tester-lipstick-infected mouth.

Anyway, Anton’s principle complaint when confronted on the issue is that he DOESN’T LIKE USING A WET TOOTHBRUSH. Naturally, I concede, it is wet after I have used it. But my point is, you have to apply water to the toothbrush for it to work effectively. The water plays a vital role in acting as a catalyst for the toothpaste to create a lather. This is an essential aspect of the cleaning process.

To quote from the Macquarie dictionary:

LATHER: Foam or froth made from SOAP (read: toothpaste) and WATER.

The entire process just does not work without water. And using water necessarily entails using a WET TOOTHBRUSH.

But it doesn’t end there. Crazy Old Anton has a couple of other very weird toothbrushing habits. Hey why not? We’re all friends here, right!

1) Instead of moving the toothbrush from side to side in a brushing manner, he SHAKES HIS WHOLE HEAD rapidly from side to side instead!

2) He SWALLOWS THE FOAM after rinsing!

And being the eternal winner in the one-upmanship stakes, Anton came up with a novel display the other day, intended to deter me forever more from putting his toothbrush in my mouth. Let's just say that the said toothbrush made a couple of unseemly visits down both the front and back of Anton's daks, sullied forever by its contact with some very sweaty cracks, sacs and crevices.

Yeah… And I’m the disgusting one…