MELLIPOP GETS PHYSICAL

OK, so what's the ettiquette when you physically threaten a mate's girlfriend?

It's now been TWO WHOLE WEEKS since that fateful New Years Eve and I've still yet to hear from my best mate. Not a single phone call, email, SMS or AVO (that's a restraining order, for those of you who just missed the punchline there..)

I mean c’mon – it’s Mellipop here! I am an absolute pussy when it comes to physical intimidation. I WAS JOKING! I haven’t hurt anyone physically since I seriously kneed my brother in the balls when I was 10. And he’s sired two children since then SO THERE WAS NO PERMANENT DAMAGE DONE! I mean, he started it anyway….

Ok, so here’s a quick NYE re-cap for new Mellipop users. Put yourself in my shoes. So I call my cobber in Sydney on NYE and he puts his new girlfriend on the phone, whom I’ve never met or spoken to before. We say hello and chat for a bit about how great this guy is. All very amiable. Then I threaten to break her legs if she dumped him. That’s all.

I WAS JUST BEING PROTECTIVE! I WAS TRYING TO BE NICE!

What if I told you that she called my mother a whore? What then, huh? Ok, so she didn’t actually SAY that my mother was a whore. Or even IMPLY that my mother was a whore. Or allege that my mother was in any way at all connected with the Sex Industry. In fact, she didn’t really say anything nasty about me OR my mother at all. But my point is, SHE COULD HAVE! I mean, that conversation was just getting WAY OUT OF HAND!

You understand, don’t you Baz?

So all my closest mates are blokes, right. To be honest, I love meeting their new girlfriends because they often find me a little bit intimidating and most-likely suspect that if I haven’t already slept with their boy during the course of our longstanding history, then I am already hatching sinister plans to add that puzzlesome sexual oversight to my current To-Do list.

So for the record, can I just state for all past, present and future girlfriends of my best mates:

I HAVE NOT SLEPT WITH A SINGLE ONE OF THEM.

They’re all yours girls, unsullied by the evil taint of Mellipop….. Enjoy!

Maybe I probably should apologise to my mate for the NYE incident, though. Maybe…. OK. So I’ll apologise. LOOK, I’M REALLY SORRY I THREATENED TO BREAK YOUR GIRLFRIEND’S LEGS.

She knew I was joking, right?

And YOU know I’m joking, right Baz?

I DID like her, you know. She seemed like a nice girl. I mean, you KNOW I'm a deadset twat, but that's why you love me, right?

Call me B…. xoxox