MELLIPOP AND THE GUARD DOGS

Ok, so let it just be firmly established that my two Staffies make for utterly useless guard dogs.

Two men have just taken down our entire side fence without any hassles from the demon dogs, who were upstairs with me at the computer, completely oblivious to what was happening in their own backyard. Umm.... to be fair, I was too. I mean, it's not like I was listening to really loud riff-rock music or anything. It was Peter, Paul and fucking Mary. Pussy folk singers from the sixties.

Let me just say that this all comes as a great shock to me because I WAS NOT INFORMED THAT ANYONE WAS GOING TO COMPLETELY DISMANTLE OUR SIDE FENCE TODAY.

I only just discovered that our entire fence had been taken down because Tonka - to his credit - started barking and going crazy. So I went to check and see what the little blighter was barking at, with no real concern. Tonka barks and growls at the strangest and most random things. Feathers. Plastic bags. The clothesline. I just assumed that Tonka was barking at a pink plastic dishwashing glove I had propped up on a Maglite torch in the kitchen, to dry it out. Bloody inside was wet, so I had to wash the dishes this morning with one glove on. Why bother with one? Dunno. Why did Michael Jackson do it?

Anyway, so Tonka was going rather schizoid, and I followed him downstairs to see that OUR WHOLE FUCKING SIDE FENCE WAS GONE. At least the Tonkmeister barked to alert me that something was happening downstairs - if a little belatedly. Comanche didn't do a goddamn thing. It's like strangers come and remove parts of our house every day. Alright, whatever. Nothing odd about that. Just keep the noise down can you, I'm trying to sleep here.

We are the end unit in a row of townhouses, and our place backs onto a housing development currently in construction. So it is not unusual to hear a lot of noise during the day. For the last two days I have been cursing their constant use of chainsaws.

So we currently have no fence. Lucky that neither one of the two dogs actually escaped from the yard - this is because they are so fucking clingy that they sit at my feet or follow me around all fucking day. Pathological co-dependence has it's benefits, few as they are. I'd hate to think what the fuck would have happened if I had been out for the day. WHAT WERE THEY INTENDING TO DO WITH MY FUCKING DOGS??? Let them run the fuck away?

Anyway, I went outside to suss out what the fuck was going on with the fence. Apparently they had tried knocking on the door earlier, and presumed that I had gone out or something because I didn't answer. Which is odd, because even if I don't hear anyone at the door, the dogs generally always do. They didn't today. Great guard dogs.

Ok, so they firstly didn't hear anyone knocking at the front door and secondly didn't hear anyone knocking down our rather sizeable side fence. What was their subsequent reaction when faced with some random stranger standing in our back yard?

Did they:

a) bark and growl at the random stranger in a threatening manner
b) form a defensive line in front of me with hackles raised to protect me from the random stranger
c) stand alertly by my side, scrutinising the random stranger with fierce stares of suspicion, poised to strike at the first sign of any threat to my person
d) run instantly with wagging tails up to the random stranger to say "hello"

The answer, sadly, is d).

Faced with two random stangers in their own backyard who have gained access by dismantling our perimeter fencing, and despite their female master being at home on her own, the sole response of my two nuggety Staffordshire Bull Terriers is to run enthusiastically and without suspicion up to the random strangers for a pat.

This is why Staffordshire owners get pissed off whenever people stigmatise them for being aggressive and dangerous dogs. I'd get better protection from a couple of Maltese Terriers.