“NUMBNUTS OF THE WEEK” AWARD : THE UNKNOWN ASSHOLE
Ok, so I would like to formally introduce the inaugural recipient of Mellipop’s “Numbnuts of the Week” award.
Much like the Unknown Soldier, the identity of this week’s inauspicious winner is a mystery that has plagued Mellipop-kind for some time now, nigh on four weeks.
AND THIS WEEK'S WINNER IS……
The Unknown Asshole who keeps stealing my daily newspaper.
(wild applause, wolf-whistles and steely-eyed glares from the other nominees)
“I, Mellipop, will be accepting this award on behalf of the Unknown Asshole, who couldn’t be with us tonight due to other devious commitments. I would just like to say a few words on his or her behalf. Firstly, I would like to thank the numbnuts who broke the lock on the front gate, the real estate agent who failed to have it fixed and the paper delivery guy - without whom none of this would be possible. And it would be remiss of me if I didn’t thank myself – Mellipop - whose complete and utter contempt for the newspaper my employers produce daily ensures that it is always still there for him or her to steal each and every day of the week. Oh, and I’d also like to thank God. FREE THE REFUGEES! Thank you and good night.”
And so concludes this week’s ceremony. Nominations are now open for next week’s winner, So if you hear me saying – as I often do – “That’s going on the blog!”, you too could be in the running!
"NUMBNUTS OF THE WEEK" : AN INTRODUCTION
The "Numbnuts of the Week" Awards are inspired by a trailblazing colleague of mine, who recently caused a stir at work by actually telling a client over the phone that he was a "numbnuts". Because he was. And haven't we all dreamed about doing that at some point? So it is from this awe-inspiring spirit of "telling it like it is", that the "Numbnuts" Awards are inaugurated.
The weekly candidate will be freely chosen from a wide pool of friends, family members, public figures and random strangers. This means that none of you are safe from winning the “Numbnuts of the Week” mantle. Nor am I myself immune from nomination. Indeed, I can well see myself parading in the winners circle on many occasions in the future. I am hard but fair.
The judgement criteria are simple. Numbnuts is as Numbnuts does.
Each weekly winner will receive the honour of being publicly humiliated by me.
The judge’s decision is final. No correspondence will be entered into.
posted by Mel @ 4:32 PM
6 Comments:
Hi Mel,
"The Unknown Asshole who keeps stealing my daily newspaper."
Mel, this is no asshole - he's a good samaritan. Just think - he's sparing you the agony of reading Perth's rag of a newspaper. "The Pecker's Point Gazette" has more meaningful content. "The West" is a shocker, and its only legitimate use is for wrapping fish and chips, or as a spur-of-the-moment toilet paper substitute.
Now, if he were stealing your "Mining Chronicle," I would hunt the bastard down myself!! None of us could make it without gripping and informative features like, "Compressors and You." Now could we??
But I like the concept. I'm already thinking of some nominations (most involving Axel and Barry.)
Cheers,
Mike
Hi Mellie,
I am nominating your dad for Numbnuts of the YEAR not week. He is going to turn down a job offer that would only require him to work 5 days a week ( like most normal people ) and would pay him $1200 clear a week.
If thats not a numbnut what is..anyway Mel what the heck is your definition of a numbnut.
Mum, I've been telling you for 20 bloody years - GET RID OF HIM!!
Hes - LOL!!!
Mel you Numbnuts! Get up early, put in an observation post and find out who is stealing your paper. Then deliver their award to them repeatedly around the area of the face and head. Then break their fingers for good measure. Hard to steal a paper with broken fingers. Now stop whinging. You have the power to find and deal with the culprit. Get to it.
Ditto to Mel's mum. I want a definition too so I can monitor thejudges decision to make sure it's fair!
Sorry. Did I not make myself clear.... A numbnuts is whoever I say is a numbnuts. Simple.
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