MELLIPOP LOVES "NICE GUYS"
Ok, so I'm sick of all this fucking talk about girls only liking "bad guys" who will treat them like shit. We love this, apparently.
Inspired by a spirited, hilarious and - at times - disturbing manifesto from a male friend of mine whom I absolutely adore, I'm going to attack head-on, the ridiculous theory that girls don't want anything to do with "nice guys". And I have heard this theory at least three times recently from three separate and distinct self-proclaimed "nice guys" (two of whom have now adopted a deliberate strategy to become "bad guys").
See, this friend of mine is an amazing catch. Intelligent, funny, good-looking, courteous, ambitious, trustworthy, hardworking - an all-around great guy. Though he is crazy. And Argentinian. But he does have a very sexy accent. The ladies do love the Latin tongue....
So why is this fabulous guy so jaded by womanhood? Ladies - are we that fucked! Do we REALLY want the assholes?
Here's the thing. Girls will quite happily sleep around with "bad guys" and indulge in a tumultuous fling or two before our metabolisms catch up with us and the dimples start to show on the back of our thighs. But it's like eating chocolate. We know that it's really bad for us in large doses but we do like to treat ourselves every now and again. But "bad guys" are not a staple part of any girl's sexual or emotional diet. Exciting, yes. Healthy, no.
You know - I'm all for the "bad guy" strategy as a short-term endeavour. The best thing is that they are easily disposable and even more easily replaceable. And without all that messy guilt to cloud your clinical emotional judgement. But a nice guy will love your dimpled thighs, patiently endure your insecurities and cook you eggs in the morning. They will ultimately jump happily into the domestic nest at just the right age.
Think about this, ladies and gentleman. What happens to the "bad guys" when all the "nice guys" have rings on their fingers and happy fat wives at home? Here are some of the most likely outcomes:
1) They sit alone at the pub after 8pm on a weeknight; pushing 40, tattooed and mulletted, eyes glued to the trots on Fox Sports, beer in one hand, TAB ticket in the other
2) They can often be spotted carrying home grocery bags containing a couple of spuds, several packets of two minute noodles, a few tins of baked beans and a cheap bottle of scotch
3) They end up in prison. They still get plenty of sex, sure, but it's all back-door action from a fat lifer called Bubba.
4) They end up having several simultaneous online "relationships" with bored trans-continental housewives and men masquerading as women for kicks.
5) They spend far too much money downloading internet porn and supporting children they conceived out of wedlock ten years ago but refused to accept parental responsibility for because it interfered with their sexy dick-swinging bachelor lifestyle.
6) They tend to fixate on material possessions like cars, elaborate hi-fi systems and model train sets to repress their desperate need for intimacy and physical connection.
7) They end up stuck in Jerry Springer-style physically and emotionally abusive relationships with women who have a sense of self-worth roughly equivalent to that of a dead newt.
8) They end up dead. Or in rehab. Or penniless in a Salvation Army hostel for men.
Trust me gentlemen. Us ladies LOVE "nice guys". Nice guys are keepers. Bad guys are sexual roadkill on the relationship highway, callously left to rot in a long-forgotten mess. You really don't want that.
posted by Mel @ 5:17 PM
40 Comments:
It all sounds good in theory but nice guys go home with Ms Palmer & I hate that bitch.
| Intelligent, funny, good-looking, courteous, ambitious, trustworthy, hardworking - an all-around great guy. Though he is crazy. |
For a while there I thought you were talking about me, until you mentioned the Argentinian part ;P
Unfortunately, I have to agree with Chris here. While it's lovely in theory to hear a woman express preference for 'nice guys', I think the general experience of most 'nice guys' tends to bear out the awful truth - the majority of women who are more than 'a bit of allright' tend to prefer arseholes !
From my own dating experiences over the last 18 months or so, I found that the women I wanted to meet up with again didn't respect me precisely for the fact that I made it obvious I fancied them, would actually call them when I said I would etc.
Among the variety of reasons my ex dumped me, and then subsequently used me for sex for 6 months or so until finally 'leaving' me for a male model, then an arsehole insolvency lawyer, were that I was 'too sentimental' and wasn't 'driven' and 'ambitious' enough i.e. not enough of an alpha-male arsehole !
So, much like your two friends who have adopted deliberate 'bad guy' strategies, I gradually found MYSELF starting to try emulate the 'bad boy' behaviour in the hope it would lead to my going home with someone other than Laura Palmer for a change.
Thankfully at just the right time before irretrievably spiralling on this downward arc I was 'saved' by meeting my wonderful girlfriend IG - another woman like yourself, who after a long string of arseholes has come to appreciate the qualities a 'nice guy' can offer.
Unfortunately, this kind of womanhood is a rare thing ! Whilst IG or yourself might be the whole package - intelligent, very attractive, witty, charming, confident etc etc, AND you are open to 'nice guys' - there don't seem to be many like you around. The majority of women who are a "whole package" tend to exhibit, in my experience, a distinct preference for sleazy fucktards - and unfortunately I think most 'nice guys' would agree with me !
Ps Any chance you could point your readers to your friends manifesto, assuming it is up on the web ?
It's lovely to hear your theories. But as you said you do dally with bad boys. Nice guys have to wait until all the bad boys are done. You ladies seem to run from one to the next whilst in your delectible prime. Which inevitably means Nice Kids wait in the wings - spend thirty five years getting bitter and then (A) Either turn into Bad guys through the bitterness or (B) Just get hold of you when you are fat and dimply. And because we are nice - Yes we will love you anyway. We still lose. You have to stop letting these bad asses steal your youth.
I agree with you Mel. I like nice guys and steer clear of the bad boys (unless it's a pash'n'dash situation). However, I have come to the conclusion that nice guys are sometimes just as much of a pain in the arse! It's probably a "male-thing"...
Aimz
P.S. DB- Loving your use of the word 'fucktards' by the way.
Aimz - thanks for the props on 'fucktards' ... for some reason I seem to be getting a few comments on the use of this charming term lately !
Wanna know a secret ... I think I stole this word from Mel ;P
I agree with Mark: it’s good to hear a girl stand up for nice guys.
But maybe the problem just isn’t with the girls? Maybe ‘nice guys’ have to be willing to stand up for themselves. If a girl wants to date an alpha-male wanker for his shiny HSV or his six figure bank balance then maybe she is not the type of person you want to be with in the first place. Anyway, in the end, most girls really do want someone who is going to love them in spite of their dimpled thighs. Nice guys have something girls want. NGs have just got to be prepared to demand what they want in return.
DB: The Manifesto we are referring to is part of an e-mail that I sent Mel at 8:30 on a Sunday morning after a very heavy drinking session. I have asked her not to put it on the net because IT WAS personal.
What drove me to leash out on an understanding person like Mel was that I have ALWAYS been the good guy. But about a year ago, I had a life changing experience... I broke up with the wife of five years.
But this whole thing got derailed from the main issue. This was not about being a good or a bad guy. It is about redefining your self as an adult male coming of age and not necessarily becoming the ALPHA male but an assertive male, combined with a touch of confidence and a punch line or two, whereas by being TOUGH ( not rude ), and having mature boundary functions, you make your self more interesting to the opposite sex.
I gave Mel the example of the girl looking for the knight on the white horse but loosing sight of him when the guy on the Harley Davidson rides by..
It has been my experience that the more open and honest you are to a woman as they ask of one, the more the relationship deteriorates. You make yourself less interesting and therefore the dude on the bike becomes a sample of masculinity they want to explore. Dah!
What is the number one type of books sold over the last 50 -80 years??? .... Drum roll.... mystery/romance. Women can't resist a mystery.
So this is not about having several simultaneous internet relationships (point 4) or being fixated on material possessions (point 6) or about being bad or rude... but about not being a dork and behaving as the good guy that women claim to crave.
I truly believe that deep inside women want the best for themselves and know that the nice guy with the stable job, good set of teeth, future prospects, etc. is what they really need. But if you will allow me to be cocky and say that as a guy with the above mentioned attributes and many more in my time have found that at the end of the day they simply mean 'fuck-all' to the girls you normally come across who constantly look out for the tall, rich & famous.
Women like to play the game. Men don't. But listen here... If you know the rules of the game, it is not only interesting and fun, but very sexy.
Delighted to have stirred up the pot.
Chris
Sorry Busty - should I not have mentioned this at all? I tried to steer away from the specific content of your manifesto, for obvious reasons (ie that it WAS private correspondence), but thought to give my own twist on the general theme, as it was an idea that had popped up from a few sources recently.
Ok, so maybe I owe you a beer or two!
I am happy you mentioned it. But just for the record.. I'll have a Carlton Draught!
So I want to reply to all of you! And I will. It's my blog and I'll reply if I want to ;)
Disappearing Boy – A woman who really likes a guy will not discard that interest on a whim simply because the guy in question mirrors that interest, and happens to call when he says he will. So, ipso facto, it’s not that this person didn’t respect you, it’s simply that “she just wasn’t that into you” (to quote Sex in the City). Please don’t ask me to explain what “ipso facto” means. I just said it to sound clever.
And anyway, what would have happened if you’d taken this “bad guy” approach, and missed out on the opportunity to get it together with the lovely IG because she thought you were just another asshole?
Blondie – A wanker-barometer! That’s a hard one. They do get easier to spot as you get older, wiser and less willing to pander to over-sized and under-deserved egos!
There really should be some sort of standardised, mandatory Wanker Testing – much like IQ testing. Men should be forced to wear badges or something, indicating how highly they scored on the spectrum.
Roguemaze – Ha ha, just for the record – “DID dally”. My days of dating dickheads are well and truly behind me now. And I’d like to think that I’m not quite past my prime yet! Or maybe I am and just don’t realise it…;)
You’re spot on though. We do get waylaid by too many “bad guys” in the prime of our stupid, naïve youth. Though it does help us to truly appreciate the worthy guys that much more!
Papertrap – And yes, I still insist on calling you that ;p I dated a dickhead called Mark once. The name will be forever sullied. Mmm…You weren’t ever a bartender at the HQ in Sydney, were you?
Umm… I was going to say….. The whole cash question…. Personally speaking, a large bank account can never compensate for deficiencies in other key areas. I think that’s probably one of the biggest misconceptions that men have about us women.
Believe it or not, it’s cheaper and more effective to do the following :
a) charm and flatter us
b) listen to us with earnest concern
c) talk about your fucking feelings for chrissake!!
Cash doesn’t matter!!! Diamonds are NOT a girl’s best friend.
Chocolate is.
Aimz – Now for those of you who don’t know Aimz, this girl is drop-dead gorgeous!! And an all-round good sport. Listen carefully to her, boys. This is another “whole package” kind of gal who is kicking goals for the nice guys.
And note that not one of the women commenting here has gone into bat for the bad guy.
IG - From one naughty girl to another... We are going to party like it's freakin 1999 when we finally get to meet. It will be tag team take-the-piss-out-of DB. We must punish him on behalf of the sisterhood for being so darn "nice".
Ross - You have nailed it right there, brother!
‘Tis utterly true – the kind of girl attracted to assholes with shiny gadgets and platinum credit cards is not the sort of girl you want to be with anyway. She will suck you dry and move on to the next sucker. Sure, she might be blonde and have a great set of tits (probably paid for by the last rich sucker she dated), but all in all, besides great sex and expensive dinners (which you will have to pay for anyway), there is nothing good or meaningful about that type of relationship.
Chris – Love you homie. Lucky be the girl that snags you my friend!
Ha ha, you couldn’t be rude if you tried, anyway. You’re a big sweetie teddy bear!
Good point though, re: becoming assertive and confident rather than “bad”. Which was then twisted by me to denote “asshole” in my frothy-mouthed sledgehammer kind of a way. I’m just not very subtle. You know what they say – don’t let the facts get in the way of a good rant!
The Carlton is down on the tab for when we get back to Sydney!
CHRIS "It has been my experience that the more open and honest you are to a woman as they ask of one, the more the relationship deteriorates. You make yourself less interesting and therefore the dude on the bike becomes a sample of masculinity they want to explore. Dah!....Women can't resist a mystery."
I think that's what happend to me last time, but I refuse to let go of the hope that being open and honest is a good thing. But the mystery thing, in a small dose, is probably good advice.
Cheerz for the link as well! >:)
Hi Mel,
You forgot 9) They're up at 11:19 PM eating Fruit Loops out of the box and reading a blog by somebody named Mellipop. : )
"sexual roadkill on the relationship highway"
***Choking on a Fruit Loop and administering self Heimlich Manoevre***
Cheers,
Mike
I think this can be simplified.
If a guy is really confident esp. with women, he will just be himself as well as not making all the fuckups that 90% of guys do. e.g. keep saying can I buy a drink, ahh you r so beautiful I can't believe I'm talking to you, you must have a boyfriend huh and spending the whole night talking to the same girl he's just met who was sick of his wussiness in the first 2 minutes etc. instead, if the nice guy has the attitude that he wants to find out if he likes her rather than trying to impress her and make her like him which we should all acquire i.e. (I'm doing the shopping), he will naturally seem attractive to her and if not then she's not his type anyway so who cares and he can move on to the next 50 girls who will like him.
Also I think that because the dominant male is so instinctively attractive to females from the time of the caveman i.e. he will protect her and therefore her "wanker barometer" as Blondie so nicely put it is clouded for many years at least and the fact that if a guy is insecure when talking to a particular girl for the first time, this will mirror her own insecurities if she's not very confident which just kills the repour.
It looks like the only way that girls can avoid this problem is to work up the courage to go up to guys themselves esp. if these girls are gorgeous, as girls will have far more arseholes going up to them than nice guys as the arseholes are more likely to have the balls to chat them up especially the georgeus ones, let alone talk to women they've just met confidently!
Also if women do go up to guys for a change (as the majority obviously don't), they will have to remember that guys esp. nice guys aren't used to this much female attention and will obviously be flattered at first, so if girls try to ignore the initial first impression judgement shit and take off the mask (defensive mechanism thing) so the guy doesn't feel he has to win an Oscar with his own mask (if you let your guard down the other person almost always instinctively does as well), and give the guy a bit more time before making up their minds, women might just find what they are looking for before being infested with years of arsehole contamination.
Come on girls I know you can do it ;) are women always going to be easy targets for arseholes and just save the dimples and blubber for the nice guys, or will they finally do the one thing that will truly set us all free ? !
I think this can be simplified.
If a guy is really confident esp. with women, he will just be himself as well as not making all the fuckups that 90% of guys do. e.g. keep saying can I buy a drink, ahh you r so beautiful I can't believe I'm talking to you, you must have a boyfriend huh and spending the whole night talking to the same girl he's just met who was sick of his wussiness in the first 2 minutes etc. instead, if the nice guy has the attitude that he wants to find out if he likes her rather than trying to impress her and make her like him which we should all acquire i.e. (I'm doing the shopping), he will naturally seem attractive to her and if not then she's not his type anyway so who cares and he can move on to the next 50 girls who will like him.
Also I think that because the dominant male is so instinctively attractive to females from the time of the caveman i.e. he will protect her and therefore her "wanker barometer" as Blondie so nicely put it is clouded for many years at least and the fact that if a guy is insecure when talking to a particular girl for the first time, this will mirror her own insecurities if she's not vey confident which just kills the repour.
It looks like the only way that girls can avoid this problem is to work up the courage to go up to guys themselves esp. if these girls are gorgeous, as girls will have far more arseholes going up to them than nice guys as the arseholes are more likely to have the balls to chat them up esp the gorgeous ones, let alone talk to women they've just met confidently!
Also if women do go up to guys for a change (majority obv don't), they will have to remember that guys esp. nice guys aren't used to this much female attention and will obviously be flattered at first, so if girls try to ignore the initial first impression judgement shit and take off the mask (defensive mechanism thing which inevetably scares off the nice guys and attracts the arseholes who love a challenge) having the opposite effect so the guy doesn't feel he has to win an Oscar with his own mask (if you let your guard down the other person almost always instinctively does as well), and give the guy a bit more time before making up their minds, women might just find what they are looking for before being infested with years of arsehole contamination.
Come on girls I know you can do it ;) are women always going to be easy targets for arseholes and just save the dimples and blubber for the nice guys, or will they finally do the one thing that will truly set us all free ? !
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