MELLIPOP HATES HER GENERATION

Ok, so I'm feeling old and curmudgeonly today. At the risk of alienating any number of Mellipop readers can I just state that anyone over the age of 15 who has ever downloaded a polyphonic (or otherwise) ringtone of a popular song is a complete fucking tool and an all-too-willing architect in the demise of our culture.

To me, polyphonic ringtones represent the absolute lowest common denominator of a crass and meaningless consumer culture that absolutely sickens me. This false, empty, disposable, self-cannibalising culture that takes everything that was once creatively beautiful, subversive or original and uses it to flog deodorants, car insurance and female incontinence pads.

Real life examples of this I hold in utter contempt include the use of a Marvin Gaye song in a TV commercial advertising a shitty woman's magazine like New Idea. "What's Going On?", a heartfelt protest song about the self-destruction and violence within African-American culture in the late 60's, and a groovealicious call to arms for peace and unity, is now being used to flog a shitty chick magazine as vapid and irrelevant as it is idiotic. In its new context, the answer to the question "What's Going On?" , becomes what Paris Hilton is wearing on the red carpet this week or which so-called celebrity needs to cultivate an eating disorder to earn their place in the magazine's esteemed list of "Best Bikini Bodies". Vive la revolution.

Just the other day I recognised the tune of a song which was being used to flog Ski museli bars. The song was "Pass the Dutchy", originally written in praise of sharing a reefer and an anthem of decriminalisation – completely de-politicised in its new context. It's now being used to sell fucking museli bars - without any sense of irony whatsoever.

Another favourite drug anthem (ahem..not a "personal" favourite, mind), "Golden Brown", a paen to heroin use, being used to sell fucking honey - without irony again. It's the complete inversion of the subversive that bothers me. This co-opting of what was once radical and shocking, and neutralising it by taking it completely out of context - and in some cases rewriting the actual lyrical content to completely castrate the otherwise controversial aspects - this really disturbs me.

I hate that everything that was once cool or controversial is neutered, blanded out and/or used to sell something.

Ringtones are a huge bugbear, for similar reasons. Call me old-fashioned, but a huge part of me is both disturbed and disgusted by the fact that Australians spend more money downloading ringtones - the new millenium's muzak equivalent - than they do buying real music.

You can’t dance to them, have sex to them, sit and cry at home alone after a breakup with them, or engage with them in any real way – in essence, the emotional and meaningful aspect of music is completely destroyed. It becomes another empty commodity. Another pointless accessory. Another superficial token of identity. Another disposable simulacrum of something that was once a geniune creative impulse.

I don’t know. Everything is a fucking commodity really. Not a new idea, by any means. I think I just needed to clear a blockage tonight.

Feel free to argue the case for ringtones. I’m genuinely bewildered and curious. And humourless and grizzly.