MELLIPOP LOVES MARLBOROUGH LIGHTS

Ok, so I'm a massive failure. I'm fucking smoking again.

I hate the fact that I love the fucking things so much. I like the taste. I like the taste with beer. I like the taste with wine. I just really fucking like it.

But I don't want to do it anymore.

Not because I think they are going to kill me. They won't. I'm still young enough to harbour the very potent delusion that I am both immortal and eternally healthy. I mean, it would be a fucking bitch being immortal if you didn't have your health, right?

No, the sole reason I don't want to smoke is because the fuckers cost so much. Do they still give free cigarettes to soldiers? I'm telling you, forget all the tax-free salary incentives, Top-Gun marketing propaganda and government subsidised tertiary degrees. If you want young people to enlist in the army, offer them free fucking cigarettes as part of the tax-free salary package. Get 'em right from high school.

If my lungs could withstand the medical, I'd fucking enlist for free cigarettes. I could easily smoke more than the equivalent retail value of cigarettes per annum than I am earning in my current job. That's an incentive right there.

Plus it makes good fiscal sense. All the soldiers (except immortal Mellipop) would die well before retirement age. Think of all the money saved on pensions and superannuation.

Fuck. I'm fucking smoking again. Fuckers. Damn there's a considerably high frequency of obscenity flying out of my dirty smokers mouth tonight. Though I will offer no apologies for my habit or my haranguing.

Hi my name is Mellipop and I am a Nicoteine Addict. It's been one hour since my last cigarette - and I'm really pissed off because now I have to wait until Anton gets home before I can suck down another one, because I have run out.....

And no smarmy lectures, "How I Quit" anecdotes or "helpful advice" from non-smokers in the comments field thanks. I am deadly serious. Those who dare will encounter the unrestrained force of my most withering scorn. I'll choke on my cigarettes and you can all go fucking choke on your self-righteous condescension. Fuckers.