MELLIPOP COULD QUITE EASILY KICK BRAD PITT OUT OF BED
Ok, so forget the tsunami crisis. Everywhere I go today, folks are blogging the Brad and Jen breakup.
I'm sorry, but in addition to my many other shortcomings as a human being, I am certain that I must be a complete and utter failure as a woman. Maybe God forgot to tuck my ovaries in there tight with all my other girly plumbing, or maybe my oestrogen levels are completely out of whack but Brad just does not tickle my pink bits at all.
So today, I am going to share a little secret with my soul sistas of blog. And listen up my blog brothers 'cause I am going to liberate you from your "Why Can't I Have Abs Like Brad Pitt" Cosmo-induced shame.
Ladies, I hate to be the one to break this to you but:
BRAD PITT IS AVERAGE-LOOKING.
And MIDDLE-AGED.
And now it would seem, he is also DIVORCED.
One might also argue that he is a CHAUVANIST PIG for dumping his wife because she thought that maybe she might like to have a career rather than pad around the kitchen in her bare feet, spewing forth a succession of perfect Brad-babies in her spare time between washing the dishes, changing Brad-baby nappies and scrubbing the skid marks out of Brad's jocks.
Yes, ladies - Even Brad Pitt leaves SKID MARKS in his undies.
HOW SEXY IS THAT?
And don't even start me on George "Grandpa" Clooney and Jude "Bore" Law.... Call me crazy, but I'm more of a Merrick and Rosso kind of gal. Rrrrrrrr..... Now the thought of THAT brings a pleasant little tickle to the nether-regions. I used to wake up with those two luscious boys every morning. And then I moved to this godforsaken state. DAMN YOU TO HELL NOVA 93.7 W.A.!!!! Haven't you heard of syndication? Even the moronic fuckers at MMM have managed to work it out!
Anyway, the moral of the story is that conventional beauty gets boring real fast - and there comes a point where even Botox can't fight the inevitable ravages of time - but a boy who can make you laugh is always DEAD SEXY!
posted by Mel @ 5:37 PM
15 Comments:
Johnny Depp is a bit, I dunno... 'gay'. But I'd shag Jude Law for sure.
Wait... is there something wrong with that comment?
confused,
papertrap.net
Aimz said...
I actually thought that Mez & Rosso were even better looking in real life the few times that I saw them at the pub... I guess beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.
Personally I could see myself pushing out a few rug rats with Zach Braff... or Edward Norton- you fancy him too don't you Mel?
I so agree about the guy who can make you laugh is dead sexy statement.... I didn't marry a Brad Pitt or George Clooney, but I'm sure they would make me laugh, among other things!! ;)
Why can't I have abs like Brad Pitt ? Waaaah ... I work hard on the fuckers pretty much every day now ... and they're pretty damn tight ... but ... still hiding under traces of love handle ! Waaaaah !
But moving onto the Bradster himself ... what WAS Jennifer Aniston thinking ? I mean hello ... here's a guy who was on record well before they even HOOKED UP as wanting 5 or 6 kids. When it comes to that level of documented reproductive demand on your partner, it's a wonder ANY sane woman would choose to hook up with El Pitto, especially one with a high-profile career like Victor Kiriakis' daughter ...
But yeah .. Merrick and Rosso as sex-symbols ? Rosso's just too 'Big, Beefy Mac Uni Rowing Club Member' for my tastes. Merrick I'd do though .... IF I HAD A THING FOR CAPTAIN SNOOZE MAYBE ! I swear, he and Rod Quontock were siamese twins separated at birth !
So yeah ... Brad & Jen breakup ? *snore*
Merrick and Rosso were the funniest when they were on Triple J way back when......if it was laughter factor versus shagability rating they would be top of the heap (so to speak)....they are just sad and pathetic now and rely too much on audience participation to get their laughs.......still if Mel wants a slice of that pie then you go girl!!!!
Johnny Depp is beautiful - can't go past a Cherokeee ancestry for perfect cheekbones - not gay, as well as being intelligent, well read, anti-establishment, very witty, talented, can dress himself with personal flair, has soulful eyes and VERY nice hands mmmmmm.... The fact that we will never cross paths makes his eligibility and fatherhood irrelevant!
P.S. Good tone, no flab - yes. Abs like Brad's - overworked and vain!
Aimz homegirl - spot on the money with Old Ed "Hottie" Norton. I can't believe I forgot my fave sexy-geek. How cute were Merrick and Rosso hanging out with an unshaven and casually-dressed Larry Emdur at the Annandale. Fuck I miss the Annandale....
Yes...and to those of you who think that M & R aren't so hot now, just try morning radio with an ex-Big Brother contestant and some rough-as-guts unfunny bogan woman. Oh the horror...
See - I'm so NOT a proper chick. I don't get Johnny Depp. Much like Ethan Hawke I just want to run them a bath and clean off the filth.
I bought a six pack on the way home and I am drinking beer and blogging. How good is it!
BTW - coy old anonymous there...It's that you Gray????? Come on, unsheath yourself...! Ooh. That sounds far more suggestive than it was intended to be.....
P.S. The "You Go Girl" gave you away.....
....gee you don't miss a trick do you Mel.....i didn't think i was that easily unmasked.....maybe if i am that predictable and easy to spot then i will just give up now......*shakes head*....man, the embarassment of it all....*laughs*
You can't get anything past the all-knowing all-seeing Mellipop!
Keep posting anyway, you bloody bugger. I promise not to reveal your superhero identity....
Okay the hole world is getting pretty fucking vain to overlook the tsunami for a couple of celebs braking up. Sure I can't denie that Brads goodlooking and I wouldn't mind touching his bronz abs *eyes glaze over*, but still it's stupid to look at the news of their split as the high point of your day. Give me Johnny Depp any day, or Stuart Townsend *eyes glaze over again*
Mmmmm Stuart Townsend is yummy.
Yeah - I think its 1 800 U-WISH
I love your blog!! Would you include POTO...Gerard Butler in your list of Hotter-than-Brad hard abbed, beefcakes? (another silly American in love with all your Aussie/British/Irish accents!)
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