CHARM SCHOOL MELLIPOP-STYLE
OK, so all the blokey sales reps at work have already fallen under my charming spell. Is it just me, or is charming guys REALLY REALLY SIMPLE!!!! Y'know, I'm certainly no raving beauty and am nothing if not strikingly average, but I am really quite skilled and successful at the flirtation thing. I actually really pride myself on it and am constantly practicing to perfect the art. I've worked out the Three Key Concepts of Charm: Attend, Flatter, Engage. (c) Mellipop 2004. Or some self-help fucker will certainly steal it.
SPECIFIC STEPS TO CHARM SUCCESS
1) Smile inanely and often
2) Laugh A LOT, especially at any potential attempt at wit - even if you are not sure
3) Wink occasionally
4) Make cute sassy comments that are cheeky but which don't undermine their inherent masculinity. Men like to be insulted in a lighthearted fashion. It makes them feel both special and martyred at the same time.
5) If you can't resist the temptation to undermine their masculinity throw in a wink (see point 3) and laugh (see point 2) so that it can't possibly be construed as a genuine threat.
6) Make non-sexual physical contact - touching arms/elbows/shoulders is good
7) Listen intently and keep eye contact constant and mildly flirtatious
8) Look fascinated even if you are bored. If bored, take control and steer the conversation away from the boring subject (which is usually some bullshit self-congratuatory macho crap that doesn't really matter to girls anyway)
9) Respond positively and with good humour to innuendo
10) If innuendo breaches tasteful boundaries revisit point 5 (undermining masculinIty) but do this WITHOUT winking or laughter to soften the blow. Raising the voice, adopting the "don't fuck with me tone" and flashing the eyes will usually be enough to intimidate them into a submissive retreat. Otherwise, a straight-up "Fuck off cockhead" will generally suffice when the more subtle mechanisms fail.
11) Understand your demographic of expertise. I am popular with old wogs and working class blokes. They love me! I am not so popular with over-educated types who take themselves too seriously or men in the financial services industry whose value systems I can't help but really rip into.
12) Have fun!!!! Inter-gender sparring sessions are God's gift to the sassy woman. Cavort, frolic and be cheeky!
Ladies - Make today "Flirty Friday". And make it FABULOUS!
posted by Mel @ 10:18 PM
6 Comments:
I think you and Namoi went to the same charm-school ;P
I'm printing this out for the fridge and sending it to all my single friends, or do you think it might not work for geriatrics? Keeping the teeth in place while both smiling and winking might be a problem :)
It will work with OTHER geriatrics.... It might just frighten everyone else....;)
..old wogs and working class blokes......gee you certainly have carved yourself a enviable niche haven't you :)......keep up the good work and i'm sure Anton isn't too jealous of your flirt demographic.
That's where I'm going wrong! I'm not honing in on my demographic of expertise. Damn well spreading myself too thin ;)
In my experience I don't think you actually _need_ to flirt with this particular demographic in order to charm them. Certainly not all 12 steps anyway. Just eye contact and maybe if you're feeling bold, a grimace that resembles a smile will do it.
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