PAY-PER-PEE

Ok, so I noticed a dreadful trend emerging in Perth today. I headed off to the CBD to do a spot of I-have-an-income-again-in-fact-I-have-two-so-let's-celebrate shopping.

So I located the toilets at Perth station and was taken aback by a reception desk with a sign demanding a fee to pee! Now admittedly, 40 cents is not a hideously inflated figure (unlike my bladder at the time) but gosh darn it, I refuse to support any such scheme on principle. What's next? A fart surcharge? A burp duty? One of the things I hate about modern society is that we automatically attach a monetary value to everything. And now we have to pay to poo....

So I turned away in disgust, thanking god that we live in a democracy. There will be other toilets, I told myself. Those crazy lefto-commie governments and all that silly social spending on public amenities means free toilets for everyone.

I headed into another mall in Hay Street, and, following the signs, took the elevator up to the second floor. Where yet again, I was shocked to see a middle-aged woman sitting behind a desk, with a sign demanding this crazy, unheard of fee to pee! 30 cents this time!

I consoled myself that I at least was saving 10 cents and reluctantly decided to concede defeat. I mean, what are you gonna do. The bastards know that they’ve got you. What, with public urination being illegal and generally frowned upon and all that.

Affecting an air of tired resignation, I opened up my wallet, and all it contained wasa shiny new 50 cent piece. So, in addition to the indignity of paying to pee, I would also have to endure the shame of waiting for my measly 20 cents change. Bugger that! So the evil toilet queen got a 20 cent tip. Now if ever the term “get a real job” has ever had any meaning, it would surely be in this situation.

Imagine the job interview…..

SMUG INTERVIEWER: Right, so we need you to take money from people who are busting to go to the loo. Give them change, and all that. Point them into the correctly gendered cubicles. Your title will be HUMAN EXCRETA SALES AND CONSULTANCY MANAGER. We can start you on $80 000 a year plus benefits.

PROSPECTIVE PEE-FEE LADY: Yeah, sounds great. When can I start?


Not liking this pay-per-pee business at all…… Will keep a stern eye on this disturbing trend.

NO FEE – NO PEE!