MELLIPOP REPLIES TO SPAM

Ok, so this very creepy – and very hysterical - piece of spam landed in my partner’s inbox last night.


I'm worried about you, Anthony.

I really don't know what's up, but you don't seem to have checked out our ebook on Rottweiler Secrets Revealed.

Have I done something wrong to upset you? Don't you like the Pug Tips that I've sent you during the past week?

I'm really concerned.

Please Anthony , email me if there's something I can do to make it up to you. My email address is stephen@rottweiler-secrets.com


Well, naturally we didn’t want our Rottweiler-loving friend Stephen to be unduly concerned and so promptly replied to his kind email.


I’m worried about you, Stephen.

I really don’t know what’s up, but you don’t seem to realise that we really don’t know who the fuck you are, nor do we care to check out your e-book on Rottweiler Secrets, which I am certain is exceptionally well-written and fascinating, regardless.

Please don’t think that you have done something wrong to upset us. Because, you see Stephen, we don’t have a Rottweiler. Nor do we have a Pug. So as grateful as we were to receive those Pug tips you thoughtfully emailed to us without our permission, they are really of no use to us. I mean, I really liked them. I did. I just think you need to work on your market research a bit. See, we have a Staffordshire Bull Terrier.

I’m really concerned. Is what you are doing legal? If it is legal, well then sir, I’m not at all that sure it is ethical. Or polite.

Please Stephen, you can make it up to me by never emailing me or any of my future kin ever again. My email address is fuckyou@fuckoff.com.